Uploaded on May 23, 2008 by trotel
Item six on the agenda: “The Meaning of Life” Now uh, Harry, you’ve had some thoughts on this.
Harry: Yeah, I’ve had a team working on this over the past few weeks, and what we’ve come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts.
One: People aren’t wearing enough hats.
Two: Matter is energy. In the universe there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive. Some energies have a spiritual source which act upon a person’s soul. However, this “soul” does not exist ab initio as orthodox Christianity teaches; it has to be brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation. However, this is rarely achieved owing to man’s unique ability to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia.
What was that about hats again?
Uploaded on Sep 27, 2011 by MichaelTingMovies
Published on Mar 18, 2016 by Hostis Humani Generis
People & Blogs
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RIP Victoria Wood
The Ballad of Barry and Freda
Uploaded on Nov 26, 2009 by transmissionends64
Victoria Wood singing her wonderfully hilarious song The Ballad of Barry and Freda (Let’s Do It) from “Live in Your Own Home” 1994.
Freda and Barry sat one night, the sky was clear the stars were bright. The wind was soft, the moon was up. Freda drained her cocoa cup. She licked her lips, she felt sublime. She switched off “gardener’s question time”. Barry cringed in fear and dread, as Freda grabbed his tie and said:
Let’s Do It, let’s do it, do it while the mood is right. I’m feeling appealing, I’ve really got an appetite. I’m on fire with desire, I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir. Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!
BUT HE SAID: I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I don’t believe in too much sex. This fashion for passion, turns us into nervous wrecks. No derision, my decision, I’d rather watch “The Spinners” on the television. I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight!
SO SHE SAID: Let’s do it, let’s do it, do til our hearts go boom. Go native, creative, living in the living room. This folly, is jolly, bend me over backwards on me hostess trolley. Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight!
BUT HE SAID: I can’t do it, I can’t do it, me heavy breathing days have gone. I’m older, feel colder, it’s other things that turn me on. I’m imploring, I’m boring, let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring. I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.
SO SHE SAID: Let’s do it, let’s do it, have a crazy night of love. I’ll strip bare, I’ll just wear stilettos and an oven glove. Don’t starve a girl of a palaver, dangle from the wardrobe in your balaclava. Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight.
BUT HE SAID: I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I know I’d only get it wrong. Don’t angle, for me to dangle me arms have never been that strong. Stop pouting, stop shouting you know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting. I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.
Let’s do it, let’s do it share a night of wild romance. Frenetic, poetic, this could be your last big chance. To quote Milton, to eat Stilton, to roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton. Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight.
I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I’ve got other little jobs on hand. Don’t grouse, around the house, I’ve got a busy evening planned. Stop nagging, I’m flagging, you know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging. I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.
Let’s do it, let’s do it, while I’m really in the mood. Three cheers! it’s years since I caught you even semi-nude. Be drastic, gymnastic, wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic. Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight.
I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I must refuse to get undressed. I feel silly, it’s too chilly to go without me thermal vest. Don’t choose me, don’t use me, me mother sent a note to say you must excuse me. I can’t do, I can’t do it tonight.
Let’s do it, let’s do it, I feel I absolutely must. I won’t exempt you, want to tempt you, want to drive you mad with lust. No cautions, just contortions, smear an avocado on me lower portions. Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight.
I can’t do it, I can’t do it, it’s really not my cup of tea. I’m harrassed, embarassed, I wish you hadn’t picked on me. No dramas, give me me pyjamas. The only girl I’m mad about is Judith Chalmers. I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.
Let’s do it, Let’s do it, I really want to run amok. Let’s wiggle, let’s jiggle, let’s really make the rafters rock. Be mighty, be flighty, come and melt the buttons on me flame-proof nighty. Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight.
Let’s do it, let’s do it, I really want to rant and rave. Let’s go, cause I know just how I want you to behave. Not bleakly, not meekly, beat me on the bottom with the “Womans Weekly”. Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight.
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Episode 1 Dinner Ladies
Found after a trawl through the blog-o-sphere this a.m.
Strange how something can trigger a past memory 😀
The devil went for a walk with a friend. They saw a man ahead of them stoop down and pick up something from the ground.
“What did that man find?” asked the friend. “A piece of Truth,” said the devil. “Doesn’t that disturb you?” asked the friend.
“No,” said the devil, “I shall let him make a belief out of it.”
Are you familiar with the concept of a ley lines? Well, these are apparently special magical lines that run between ancient archaeological sites or monuments. If like me, you grew up devouring all the mystical books doing the rounds such as “Chariot of the Gods” by Erich Von Daniken, or “The Third Eye” by Lobsang T Rampa, then you will have no doubt come across these at some point, in fact, I’d be astonished if you had not heard of them, the concept has more or less embedded itself as a cultural meme these days.
So where did all this originally come from?
It was all started by a self-taught archaeologist, Alfred Watkins who in 1921 made the observation that ancient monuments appear to all line up and so he suggested that perhaps these had been setup like this in neolithic times as line-of-sight navigational markers. OK, that sounds a reasonable hypothesis, but of course the concept has been taken up and inflated into a far more groundless new-age belief.
UK residents can visit this website and enter their post code to see if they are living on a ley line 😉
Some definitions found therein:
April Fool: The March fool with another month added to his folly.
Archbishop: An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.
Convent: A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.
Coronation: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown sky high with a dynamite bomb
Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
Disobedience: The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.
Some others evoke a sharp intake of breath…